January 6, 2010

This blog has been and continues to be an ongoing discernment; what to share, how to share it, and why. At best, it is an opportunity to share the reality of a country we are all too quick to forget about, a medium to express personal transformations, a chance to reveal bits of myself when I am most in my element, which is in solidarity with the people of Latin America. Odd to think that only a handful of people have seen me in what I think to be my best, most alive self.

Do not let me mislead, this is not to say that I am only on fire in Latin America and I am always on fire in Latin America (though it literally feels like at times). I have lived many experiences at home in the States and I have not lived many moments in Latin America, in countries where I still cannot speak the language. I often sit with my own irony in spanish-speaking countries; that it is in the places I can never fully communicate myself that I feel most myself. For me, “feeling the most myself” is not a constant state of euphoria but a path to daily walk down. I am not living a continuous high here, I am not saving the world; rather, I am being present to both the struggles and joys, which shape me and encourage me to daily create myself. It is the moments of both struggle and joy that remind us that we are alive, and that we are alive! Further is the irony that, even still, I cannot fully communicate myself. Perhaps I'll leave it to Pablo Neruda, who, in his Nobel Prize acceptance speech, said “All paths lead to the same goal: to convey to others what we are. And we must pass through solitude and difficulty, isolation and silence in order to reach forth to the enchanted place where we can dance our clumsy dance and sing our sorrowful song...”

In Pedagogy of the Oppressed, Paulo Freire discusses a type of education (Popular Education) that both enables and empowers the poor to liberate themselves from oppression. This liberation, he says, “must be forged with, not for, the oppressed” because “Who can better understand the necessity of liberation? They [the oppressed] will not gain this liberation by chance but through praxis of their quest for it, through their recognition of the necessity to fight for it. And this fight, because of the purpose given it by the oppressed, will actually constitute an act of love opposing the lovelessness which lies at the heart of the oppressors' violence.”

True revolution, Freire argues, has never been seen in our world because, in the end, the poor have never been trusted to fight for themselves. Without the reality, reflections, advice, and input of the poor, revolutions have been nothing more than an exchange of power within the same oppressive system. Thus, true revolution, revolution that eliminates oppression and therefore liberates oppressed and oppressors alike, is an act that must come from the poor; it is an act of love and what they must do.

I have spent the last few months reflecting on this idea, trying to understand what it is that I must do. The more I discern, the more I come to understand that my soul does not want other's suffering to go unnoticed; I do not want people to suffer silently or alone. Everything I do, it seems, revolves around this core principle. Therefore, what I must do is accompany the struggle (plural and singular). To know and follow this must not only brings me to Ciudad Sandino, Nicaragua, it is self-discovery that I am wildly proud of yet share with few.

This blog, much like life, stirs my simultaneous need to communicate myself and revulsion towards it. The fear of putting myself out there and not being understood is epic. Furthermore, while a blog would appear to be the best way to articulate this experience, the “easiest” way, I struggle with it. In my efforts to live a life that is radical and in solidarity with the marginalized, I must reflect on if doing what is “easiest” is the best way to live, as easy living often lacks intentionality. What I have learned, so far, is that a key component to living and being in solidarity with a person/group/country is the intentionality and mindfulness behind all actions-- eating, speaking, even breathing. Also, my visions of communication for the next two years is just that: to communicate and not just relay one-sided accounts of life.

However, the discernment and discovery of knowing what it is that we must do is a profound act, something not to be taken lightly. For those of us that know who we are and what we can do when we are on our right path and when we are “most ourselves,” well, we should do no less. I would not be doing justice to my own self-discernment and self-discovery to hide myself at my best, which is someone who dares to dream of a world that is for everyone, who is radical and hopeful, who trusts the economically poor enough to let them change their reality themselves, who takes steps to live a life that is in solidarity with the marginalized, who can make people smile, who can share the suffering of another, who accompanies the epic lucha.

I've feared being labeled a certain way or being excluded by loved ones by sharing my true self and what it is that I must do, but I can be no one else. Just as the oppressed must revolutionize in order to re-humanize the world, so must I be most my brilliant, beautiful, radical self, learning through the struggles and joys; so must I, go through this internal revolution. I can do no less. And should I keep this blog, that is how I intend to write it: for myself, and for Nicaragua.

I hoped all of these circles I've been talking in would, in the end, form a beautiful bow around a shiny, honest, clear package. Maybe that happened, maybe not. Future blogs (potentially) will speak more to Nicaraguan reality and life here. For now, I will try and ease a bit of the anticipation with some photos of our community in Ciudad Sandino, our larger Nicaragua community, and a little taste of Arenal, Nicaragua.

Also, I encourage you to learn about Nicaragua alongside me. Please check out some books or read online about Nicaragua's fascinating and tumultuous history, which is crucial to understanding its reality.

I'll soon start work at Cantera and am really looking forward to learning from them about community organization and empowerment. Please check them out to get a better understanding of what I'll be doing here. Www.canteranicaragua.org. Also, I encourage you to familiarize yourself with some topics that are important to Nicaragua and the paths I plan on growing in. Feel free to research any of the following: the Sandinista Revolution and Contra War, Liberation Theology and a preferential option for the poor, Christian Base Communities, Popular Education (Paulo Freire, Pedagogy of the Oppressed), Machismo, Jesuit Volunteer International and definitions of accompaniment.

As a last thought, I'm putting a request into the universe for letters from anyone and everyone who would like to take a more tangible approach to accompanying me in Nicaragua. I desire to know of your life as you desire to know of mine. Letter writing has become a lost art form but it is, for me, a beautiful and life-giving example of intentionality; to sit down and meditate on a person/experience/thought, reflect on the words to write and how to write them, and move the body to put it in the mail. Letters have become a wonderful reflection tool for me and a tangible means for me to both show and receive love.

So, in the spirit of reciprocity and accompaniment, write me. Take twenty minutes out of your week or your month and sit down with a pen and paper. Tell me of your life. Ask me what you'd really like to know about my life and Nicaragua. Accompany me as I accompany; take an active role in this experience as I am. This will apply to everyone—from family and friends to all the friends of family that were only intrigued by how this blog would be filled. Write. Be a part of the revolution to bring back the beautiful art of letter-writing.

Much love. Paz.

lt

*Thanks to Zanmi BG, a poet, for inspiring this blog entry.